You will forgive me if I begin with the end of the day, or rather, now. Through my fabled cunning, I was able to decipher from a plethora of signs, all in Chinese (aside from the two words “Band” and “Contest”), that there would possibly be some kind of… Band Contest in the near future. It is no small wonder the school hired me for as I watched a stage being erected on the nearby field, my mind, nigh burning from the friction of my abundant thoughts, deduced that this construction bore some connection to the Band Contest I had previously, in my genius, learned of.
Alas, even with my proven intellect, I could never have divined what this Band Contest would entail: the pain!
Imagine, if you will, a bad band. Imagine, if you will, this bad band having their music amplified a hundred fold. Imagine, if you will, that this bad band who is having their music amplified a hundred fold could not speak English. Imagine, if you will, that this bad band who is having their music amplified a hundred fold and cannot speak English are singing exclusively in English.
Imagine, if you will, there are twelve such bad bands.
I had some fun, at the bands’ expense, miming my disapproval of the performance to the security personnel who, being older gentlemen, seemed to agree. Mind you, this was as I fled the campus opposite the concert. I could not imagine braving the field itself. Sadly, I could not take pictures as it was night, and my camera falls apart in any semblance of dark.
I made my escape when there was a small calm in which I could not hear a constant stream of broken English. It was pleasant for the space of ten seconds whereupon I realized that the strange sound I was hearing was… possibly… Chinese death metal? That is to say, a chorus of dying cats.
It is possible this was sung in English, though all I heard was “urgh har ha urrrrrghaaaa haaaa urrrrrr haaaaaa”. Considering how much satanic fashion (pentagrams, goat heads, ect.) I have seen in Huadu, I am not all surprised at the sheer abundance of guttural trash (I can think of no better way to describe it) I heard coming from across the street.
While the school does not need to pay me overtime to judge of an English Contest, there is not amount of RMB that would convince me to judge one their Band Contests!